While the two of you are the most important people at the wedding, half the fun of getting married is being able to anticipate and celebrate your big day with your closest family members friends by your sides serving as bridesmaids and groomsmen. While you might think you can ask just anyone to take on an important wedding party role, there are a few other things you’ll want to consider before you assemble your group.
Here, we share five key tips that will help you choose the right people to serve as members of your wedding party. Plus, we also share alternative roles for anyone who was not selected, since no one wants to leave their loved ones with hurt feelings ahead of the big day.
30 Creative Ways to Ask Your Groomsmen to Be in Your Wedding
Ready to ask your loved ones to stand by your sides on the big day? Here's how to choose your bridesmaids in groomsmen.
Start With Siblings
Including your siblings is the perfect way to start choosing your bridesmaids and groomsmen. If they’re much younger, you may prefer to have them serve as ushers or junior attendants, but if they’re close to your age, definitely give them the full-blown honor. Whatever you do, don't forget that there's nothing stopping a bride from making her brother a bridesman or a groom from making his sister a groomslady.
While you may not need your bridesmaids or groomsmen to participate too much in planning your wedding, there will be moments when you’ll need to know you can count on them. If your friend almost never calls you back or constantly shows up late when you have plans, they may not be the right person for the job, especially with bridesmaid dress order deadlines and tight timelines the day of your wedding. Instead, lean toward friends who you know will answer your emails, show up when you need them to (or a few minutes early), and probably be more prepared than you.
Consider Personalities
Before you send out those “Be My Bridesmaid?” gifts, think about how your wedding party will get along. That doesn’t mean everyone has to be the best of friends, but if one person on your list has a stronger—or even abrasive—personality and tends to rub people the wrong way, that’s potential drama you’ll want to avoid if you can.
Aim for a group of bridesmaids and groomsmen who are friendly, cordial, and can transition easily between groups to quickly cross “fights between friends” off of the list of things to worry about on your wedding day.
Be Mindful of Budget
We all know being a bridesmaid or groomsman is expensive. Even if you’re paying for their accommodations or chipping in for the suit or dress, between flights, gifts, and the bachelor and bachelorette parties, the bill can add up. If you know a friend is in a tough spot financially, call them up to talk it over before making the official ask. Let them know you’d love to include them, but also have a few alternative ways for them to be involved if joining the wedding party might be too expensive. Close friends make fantastic readers, give great toasts at the rehearsal dinner, and could also hand out programs or serve as ushers at the ceremony.
Think About Feelings
Sometimes, having fewer bridesmaids or groomsmen is the easiest way to make sure no one’s feelings are hurt. If your choice is between having just your sister and your childhood best friend stand beside you or expanding into two or three friend groups and ten or more bridesmaids, the smaller group could save you a lot of stress in deciding who does and doesn’t make the cut. On the other hand, if you’re committed to the idea of a huge wedding party, and there’s one friend on the fringe, you might be better off including one more than leaving them out.
Other Roles for Family and Friends
Just because you selected a certain number of people to serve as bridesmaids and groomsmen doesn't mean you're tapped out on roles for other important family members and friends. In fact, there are plenty of other jobs that your VIP guests can take on, including serving as ushers, ceremony readers, processional escorts, or even marriage license witness.
For most, having your brother(s) as a part of your wedding party is the easiest way to add numbers without offending anyone (i.e. most friends will understand if you pick your brother over them). You can also consider cousins, step-brothers, older nephews, or even your partner's siblings if you're close.
For most, having your brother(s) as a part of your wedding party is the easiest way to add numbers without offending anyone (i.e. most friends will understand if you pick your brother over them). You can also consider cousins, step-brothers, older nephews, or even your partner's siblings if you're close.
Line up your bridesmaids and groomsmen by height, with the shortest closest to the altar and the tallest the farthest away. As a bonus, this lineup is the most aesthetically pleasing, so if you're worried about how it will look in photos, this one is for you.
According to experts, whether or not your sister-in-law should be a bridesmaid all depends on the circ*mstances. “It could be the case if there was no legitimate reason behind not asking her,” says Gottsman.
The number of bridesmaids selected for a bridal party, is very much down to the size of the wedding. For instance, a small wedding of up to 100 people, is unlikely to have 9 bridesmaids. But a wedding of 500+ people, may do. Typically, on average, brides tend to go for around 3-5 bridesmaids.
Brothers or best friends, the best man is more than the lead groomsman. He's the groom's right hand man and the leader of the pack for the groomsmen. He must be able to communicate the plan to the rest of the group and be able to wrangle them to meet the expectations of the couple.
On average, weddings often feature 3 to 6 bridesmaids, but the range can extend far beyond that, even up to 12 or more. The number of bridesmaids you choose ultimately depends on your preferences, the size of your wedding, and your personal dynamics.
Usually the Maid of Honour is dressed the same as the bridesmaids, but as huge advocates of a mix & match, they're many ways you can subtly have you Maid of Honour in a different dress to your bridesmaids.
The best man follows the bridesmaids and groomsmen and can walk down alone or with the maid of honor. He may also be the ring bearer for some weddings, and will stand next to the groom at the altar. Should you choose to have the maid of honor walk down separately, they should follow the best man.
The influence of American English has led to the chief bridesmaid sometimes being called the maid of honour. In North America, a wedding party might include several bridesmaids, but the 'maid of honor' is the title and position held by the bride's chief attendant, typically her closest friend or sister.
Maid of Honor. The MOH (and best man, potentially) is the last to enter before the young attendants. She will take her place next to the bride on the left.
A groomsman or usher is one of the male attendants to the groom in a wedding ceremony. Usually, the groom selects close friends and relatives to serve as groomsmen, and it is considered an honor to be selected. From his groomsmen, the groom usually chooses one to serve as best man.
Personal Choice. Although there are rough guides for various kinds of weddings, it is ultimately your choice. It largely depends on what you think is best. In a formal wedding where you have invited over 200 guests, the norm is to have 6 to 10 bridesmaids and a similar number for groomsmen.
Family is Typically Chosen Over Friends for the Best Man
This is due to a few reasons. Your brother knows you well both inside and out. He's likely to have a good relationship with your fiancé and will be fully aware of the kind of bachelor party he should help throw for you when the time comes.
On a groom's side, you can expect to find a best man, ushers, groomsmen (sometimes given the same roles as ushers - but we'll go into that later) and the mother and/or father of the groom.
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